Female, "what if he cheats on me? He's asking me out, I'm afraid if I say yes he'll just end up cheating on me". "Oh no, he's asking me to move in with him. This is getting serious. I'll be committing myself even deeper. I'll move in. Just watch he'll cheat on me I know it, but what if he does? Then What? What will I do"? Three years later. "He's asked me to marry him. We've been together for four years, I love him and this will make me totally committed to him. I'm so scared. I know once we're married he'll cheat on me. I need time to think this through. I know, I'll go to the club, kind of take my mind off things".
Male, " look at her, she's beautiful. I'm mesmerized by her. We've been hanging out and talking for some time now. I'm going to ask her out". A year later, "wow, I can't believe we been dating a year. Tonight is our first anniversary. I'll take her out to dinner and ask her to move in. I can't help it, I love her and I want to be with her everyday". "I'm so nervous, my palms are sweaty. It's been four years and I know every inch of her inside and out, such a great spirit, wonderful personality. She's the one without a doubt in my mind I want to spend the rest of my life with".
"What went wrong? What did I do to cause her to want to cheat on me? What if I asked her to move in to soon? What if I asked her to marry me too soon? What if I scared her away"? I thought everything was going great, but what if it really wasn't? What if she was just using me? All I can remember while these tears role down my face is all the good times we had. So where did I go wrong?"
That's quite a bit of what ifs, don't you think? What in this story did go wrong? It's a no brainer the female was wrong by cheating. But why did she cheat? She concerned herself about the what if he cheats, that in her mind she became certain it was going to happen that she reversed willed it into existence. In other words she ended doing the cheating not him. Her fear and convincing herself it was going to happen, made it happen.
He not once worried to himself about the what ifs in the beginning. However he did in the end. He blames himself because of what she did. He asks what if until he convinces himself it was his fault. So females ask future what ifs while males ask past what ifs.
Imagine the difference it would have made if they realized the what is.
Female, "he is handsome, "He is a great guy. We've been together for a long time and he is well worth marrying".
Male, "She is my wife and I'll love her all my life.
There is a point of personal evolution for this story.
The what ifs created a negative ripple, thus slowing down both the male and females evolution. They now both have to start new relationships and start the whole process all over again.
The what is sprung them forward on their evolutionary track. Now they have a great relationship and can start planning to have kids and an awesome future.
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